How did I do it?

"Where are you? Where are you, little girl with broken wings but full of hope? Where are you, wise women covered in wounds? Where are you?" - http://www.filmsforaction.org/watch...

I am in sad space and I am not sure how to get out of it. But I have been here before countless times, so that leads me to think I found a way to move through it. I am just trying to recall how I did it.

I am recounting the events in the past days, I can’t put my finger on what stirred this downward spin.

Perhaps it is my continuous sleep deprivation that is fueling this feeling. Perhaps it was yesterday, a gentleman that touched my face with his fingers to remove a piece of hair from my mouth that brought a memory back. A strange memory. A memory that was buried deep. Or perhaps it was that I have a week here and I really feel like I haven’t done a whole lot. I feel like I need to do more. My time is limited here. Time. I am grasping for time.

I am in a strange space and I am not sure how to get out of it. But I have been here before countless times, so that leads me to think I found a way to move through it. I am just trying to recall how I did it.

How did I move through a space that was so thick, dark, and suffocating? I am recounting the events and nothing appears to be out of the ordinary. Perhaps it was the day before, a gentleman asked me out and told me that I needed to dance. I laughed. His comment brought back the memory of my night with Aggie and Lynette dancing in Uganda. That night, I just wanted to shed my skin and get clean from thoughts of orphanages and children dancing for money.

I am in a disorganized space and I am not sure how to get out of it. But I have been here before countless times, so that leads me to think I found a way to move through it. I am just trying to recall how I did it.

I am trying to recall what triggered these feelings, feelings of self-doubt, self-disappointment, and inadequacy. Perhaps it was the day before, a gentleman who carried such raw emotion in his words about his youth hood that my cup runneth over and I could not contain his grief. His comment reminded me of the many stories, I have listened to in the past three months that I cannot and will not make sense of how we live in a world with such resilience and such destruction.

I am in a space that is vast and static. I am not sure how to get out of it. But I have been here before countless times, so that leads me to think I found a way to move through it. I am just trying to recall how I did it.

I am trying to understand my friend telling me today a Burundi proverb, “As long as you are breathing, there is still hope and possibility.” As I am breathing, I want to believe. I want to believe that I played a finite role in the lives of people I met. And yet.

I am in a space. I am not sure how to get out of it. But I have been here before countless times, so that leads me to think I found a way to move through it. I am just trying to recall how I did it.