Hopeful Inquiry

“For apart from inquiry, apart from the praxis, individuals cannot be truly human. Knowledge emerges only through invention and re-invention, through the restless, impatient, continuing, hopeful inquiry human beings pursue in the world, with the world, and with each other.” - Paulo Freire, The Pedagogy of the Oppressed

A day and a life of Staci...

In Kakuma, it appears that 3AM is my internal alarm clock. I try to look at the bright side of my life at least I’m waking up at a consistent time. Although my body, brain, and soul wishes the consistent time wasn’t so consistent.

As I try to go back to sleep, my brain refuses to turn off. I am wide awake so, I jump online. I see how my online class is going at Portland State University. I only have 5 students which seems dreamy, but I am having difficulty in reconciling with the difference of my students online and the ones I am working alongside with in Kakuma. First of all, if you are a junior or senior, you should damn well know how and where to get your books. Second of all, if you are complaining that you have had the “sniffles and didn’t feel like doing the work” (verbatim email) then I want you to meet students in Kakuma who would kill to have sniffles and a seat in my class. For if they were fluent in English, they would fly pass all of my students. Instead, they are often fluent in 4 different languages other than English, carry the burden and pain of their people (literally and figuratively), and live in intolerable conditions. As I return feedback to my students at PSU, I find myself, editing these thoughts and sending pleasant emails of support and hope. I hold back and it slowly killing me.

After that, I work on PSUFA Union work.

Then, I hang out with Jon and Ann, the cooks. They put me to work. Jon says, he will miss me. He adds, I give him respect. He wants to hire me. I say, I am too expensive. I would need 2000 Kenyan schillings/$200 a day (which is probably equivalent to 4 month pay). They laugh. Jon says, Staci, you are hired. We laugh together. Little do they know when Jason and I was dating, Jason lost weight because my cooking. I am a terrible stereotypical wife. In fact many times, I wonder why he married me. I hate cleaning and always improvise on my cooking which often leads into something our dog would not eat.

I move into the afternoon, where I support JWL students to lead the workshops with NRC. We sit around in a circle with 15 participants who are predominantly from South Sudan, Sudan, and Darfur and primarily speak Arabic. This particularly day is unusual due to a representative from NRC and a representative from JRS/JWL were witnesses to the project. Although I have to admit the group was not ideal, it showed how young adults can use critical thinking skills, hold the space for each other, and dialogue in a manner that offers spaces of hope. I am always offered gratitude by participants which annoys me because I am not very important nor particularly significant to be offered such praise. I always say it is the JWL students and the participants, not me that is co-creating these unique spaces. They nod and continue to offer me thanks. NRC is very keen on discussing the possibilities about the project. The JWL students and I will meet with the representative to see what the possibilities of beneficiaries positions (refugees getting paid to do work).

Lately, the driver, JWL students, and I grab a cold coke after the 2+hours workshop. Then we drop off the JWL students to their respective places. I return to the compound. Jon and Ann are waiting for me. I help them put the food on the table. Jon rarely lets me cook. I just sit in the kitchen and talk with them.. Perhaps a little bird told Jon about me.

This particularly evening, I sit with international administrators of JRS and JWL who are just here for a week. I don’t realize until one of the JRS staff ask me out for a drink that perhaps I should not be sitting with them. I said, let’s ask them out. The JRS staff said, Staci, I only meet with them if it is a formal meeting. They are my bosses. Thirty minutes later, I finish the conversation with the administrators and I have volunteered myself to do semi-structured interviews with JWL students. I love interviewing and since I have decided to stay an additional week, I look forward to spending more time with individuals and learning about their lives.

I venture out with a couple of JRS staff for drinks. We have a conversation about our lives and what got us to Kakuma.

When I arrive in my room, I realize that I just stumbled through a variety of sections of socio-economical class, ethnicity, race, languages, and status throughout the day. I find that although I have no grace in doing so, I am grateful for the opportunity to share the space with others.